It's very difficult to apologize. As a young child, I was often told "apologize to your sister," for which I would mumble "I'm sorry." Inevitably, this would be followed by the command "and say it like you mean it." Of course I would say (only slightly more clearly) "I'm sorry" again, but I rarely ever meant it more the second time than I did the first. But I knew if I didn't comply, I would prompt my mother or father to take an action that would truly make me sorry. At least sorry that I didn't convince them, rarely sorry about what started the mess.
Lately, this has been on my mind a lot. Not the offenses I committed against my sister - and I'm sure that I committed many. But the idea of apologizing. What does it exactly mean to apologize?
A little help from Merriam-Webster gives three broad definitions. In one of my college classes, I recall reading "Apology" by Plato and Merriam uses this as the first definition - "a formal justification." This has nothing to do with feeling sorry and I think is probably the definition most politicians use when they "apologize." Merriam goes on to say that this could also be an "excuse." Makes me wonder if Merriam was in congress.
The second definition given is "an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret." I'm certain that this is what my mother meant after my "errors" against my sister. Note that, like my mother, Merriam says that the admission is "accompanied by an expression of regret," or (as mom said) "say it like you mean it." To me, this should be the main focus. Let me explain:
In order to truly apologize as a child, I had to admit that I was in error. Certainly telling my sister "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings" qualified as a "discourtesy," but I knew from my mother's glare that she wanted me to be sorry for my action, not just the hurt feelings. The admission of error was key.
Secondly, it does no good to apologize unless you really have regret. I have more ideas on this aspect, but I think that belongs in another post.
Merriam adds a third definition: "a poor substitute." I know many times I've bought something that was a poor substitute and I had to apologize for the mess I created. I also felt like I should get an apology from the manufacturer.
So what do you think? What is an apology to you? Were you sometimes forced to apologize when you didn't really mean it? Do you think that was an apology?
Showing posts with label word picture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label word picture. Show all posts
Friday, May 24, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Word picture - crave
Ok, I've published my favorite two (the only two I know) word pictures, integrity and detente. Both words have descriptive backgrounds, stories that paint a picture in your mind.
Now I'm looking for help in creating a new word picture. It should be tied to some other culture or language and possibly come from the same root word.
The word that needs a picture is crave. Another option, would be the word yearn.
There are times when I crave the company of my children. Times when I yearn to be with my wife, just to touch her hand, to see her smile.
These feelings need a better word than just crave and yearn, so I'm asking for your help. Help me find a word and a word picture that means crave or yearn, a word picture that fits the feeling.
Special note: for those that read the Bible, Job 19:27 has this same feeling "How my heart yearns within me" and Psalm 42:1 "so my soul pants for you, O God." I think Job and David had trouble coming up with a word picture just like me.
Now I'm looking for help in creating a new word picture. It should be tied to some other culture or language and possibly come from the same root word.
The word that needs a picture is crave. Another option, would be the word yearn.
There are times when I crave the company of my children. Times when I yearn to be with my wife, just to touch her hand, to see her smile.
These feelings need a better word than just crave and yearn, so I'm asking for your help. Help me find a word and a word picture that means crave or yearn, a word picture that fits the feeling.
Special note: for those that read the Bible, Job 19:27 has this same feeling "How my heart yearns within me" and Psalm 42:1 "so my soul pants for you, O God." I think Job and David had trouble coming up with a word picture just like me.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Word Picture - Detente
I mentioned in the previous post that I liked word pictures - where you define a word, by building a
picture or telling a story. Today's word picture is "detente" - a word picture that has stayed with me for around 30 years.
Thirty years ago, our nation was at war. It was the cold war, a war with the USSR (which doesn't exist anymore). The newly elected president, Ronald Reagan, was determined to win that war. That meant tough talk about the enemy, the bear in the woods. It meant building more and stronger nuclear weapons and implying (or saying it outright) that you weren't afraid to use them. It meant coming up with a nuclear defense shield or at least convincing the enemy that you could.
With all the talk about war, newspapers showed maps of strike zones, US cities that would be wiped out in the first wave of Soviet missiles, and in the second wave. I lived in Columbia, SC, a target in the second wave. Some may think I'm paranoid, but (as I admitted in my blog back in 2008) I even mapped out a strategy to escape, hoping I'd have time between the first and second wave. Just remember, even if you are paranoid, it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
About that time, the term detente came into use. The picture that goes with it is this: imagine a Russian hunter, who has been trekking through the Siberian snow in hunt of food. Then he sees his prey. Slowly, quietly, he pulls an arrow out of his quiver and loads the bow. Just as slowly, he draws his bow, takes aim and is ready to let the arrow fly.
Then, he changes his mind. Slowly and deliberately, he releases the tension on the bow. That is detente. A deliberate reduction in the tension.
There are many situations that call for detente. Politics needs detente all the time. Friends need to practice detente. And families also (well, not in my house).
The next time you're in a discussion that you can't win, but don't want to lose, think of the Russian hunter and practice some detente.
What do you think? Good word picture? Will it stick with you?
Thirty years ago, our nation was at war. It was the cold war, a war with the USSR (which doesn't exist anymore). The newly elected president, Ronald Reagan, was determined to win that war. That meant tough talk about the enemy, the bear in the woods. It meant building more and stronger nuclear weapons and implying (or saying it outright) that you weren't afraid to use them. It meant coming up with a nuclear defense shield or at least convincing the enemy that you could.
With all the talk about war, newspapers showed maps of strike zones, US cities that would be wiped out in the first wave of Soviet missiles, and in the second wave. I lived in Columbia, SC, a target in the second wave. Some may think I'm paranoid, but (as I admitted in my blog back in 2008) I even mapped out a strategy to escape, hoping I'd have time between the first and second wave. Just remember, even if you are paranoid, it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
About that time, the term detente came into use. The picture that goes with it is this: imagine a Russian hunter, who has been trekking through the Siberian snow in hunt of food. Then he sees his prey. Slowly, quietly, he pulls an arrow out of his quiver and loads the bow. Just as slowly, he draws his bow, takes aim and is ready to let the arrow fly.
Then, he changes his mind. Slowly and deliberately, he releases the tension on the bow. That is detente. A deliberate reduction in the tension.
There are many situations that call for detente. Politics needs detente all the time. Friends need to practice detente. And families also (well, not in my house).
The next time you're in a discussion that you can't win, but don't want to lose, think of the Russian hunter and practice some detente.
What do you think? Good word picture? Will it stick with you?
Thursday, May 09, 2013
Word Picture - Integrity
This is the first of three posts on word pictures. It's actually a rerun of a post I did back in 2008, but I've updated it somewhat. It fits with my next two posts, so I decided to revive it.
I like word pictures. It's where you define a word, by building a picture, telling a story. The result is a more robust definition, something that sticks with you for a long time.
One such word picture surrounds my idea of integrity. Wikipedia defines integrity as being the concept of basing of one's actions on an internally consistent framework of principles. Another way to say this is by asking the questions "Does a person's walk match his talk? Does he do what he says he will do? Does he follow through?"
But a better word picture comes from a pastor I knew in Charlotte, NC. It's been on my mind a lot and I've shared it with some friends lately. A little research (thanks to Google) told me that it comes from the Latin word sometimes interpreted sincere, which literally means "no wax".
The picture is that of pottery. Pottery is of course made out of clay. It is shaped carefully for a particular purpose, say carrying water. Then it is placed in an oven to bake it. During the baking process, the clay can shrink and sometimes leave cracks. Of course a pot with cracks is pretty useless, so it should be thrown away.
But some dishonest dealers found they could fill the cracks with wax. They might paint the pot, to make it pretty and then sell it to an unsuspecting buyer. The pot works fine until it ages or is heated and the wax melts out. Then the pot is fairly useless for carrying water.
The word integrity can be literally interpreted "no wax". It's a finer grade of pot and the seller has the integrity of only selling pots with no cracks.
Word picture number 2 is coming up next and then a special request for word picture number 3.
I like word pictures. It's where you define a word, by building a picture, telling a story. The result is a more robust definition, something that sticks with you for a long time.
One such word picture surrounds my idea of integrity. Wikipedia defines integrity as being the concept of basing of one's actions on an internally consistent framework of principles. Another way to say this is by asking the questions "Does a person's walk match his talk? Does he do what he says he will do? Does he follow through?"
But a better word picture comes from a pastor I knew in Charlotte, NC. It's been on my mind a lot and I've shared it with some friends lately. A little research (thanks to Google) told me that it comes from the Latin word sometimes interpreted sincere, which literally means "no wax".
The picture is that of pottery. Pottery is of course made out of clay. It is shaped carefully for a particular purpose, say carrying water. Then it is placed in an oven to bake it. During the baking process, the clay can shrink and sometimes leave cracks. Of course a pot with cracks is pretty useless, so it should be thrown away.
But some dishonest dealers found they could fill the cracks with wax. They might paint the pot, to make it pretty and then sell it to an unsuspecting buyer. The pot works fine until it ages or is heated and the wax melts out. Then the pot is fairly useless for carrying water.
The word integrity can be literally interpreted "no wax". It's a finer grade of pot and the seller has the integrity of only selling pots with no cracks.
Word picture number 2 is coming up next and then a special request for word picture number 3.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Word Picture - Integrity
I like word pictures. It's where you define a word, by building a picture, telling a story. The result is a more robust definition, something that sticks with you for a long time.
One such word picture surrounds my idea of integrity. Wikipedia defines integrity as being the concept of basing of one's actions on an internally consistent framework of principles. Back in June, I posted on character and I spoke of integrity by asking the questions "Does a person's walk match his talk? Does he do what he says he will do? Does he follow through?"
But a better word picture comes from a pastor I knew in Charlotte, NC. It's been on my mind a lot and I got to share it with some folks this morning. A little research (thanks to Google) told me that it comes from the Latin word sometimes interpreted sincere, which literally means "no wax".
The picture is that of pottery. Pottery is of course made out of clay. It is shaped carefully for a particular purpose, say carrying water. Then it is placed in an oven to bake it. During the baking process, the clay can shrink and sometimes leave cracks. Of course a pot with cracks is pretty useless, so it should be thrown away.
But some dishonest dealers found they could fill the cracks with wax. They might paint the pot, to make it pretty and then sell it to an unsuspecting buyer. The pot works fine until it ages or is heated and the wax melts out. Then the pot is fairly useless for carrying water.
The word integrity can be literally interpreted "no wax". It's a finer grade of pot and the seller has the integrity of only selling pots with no cracks.
One such word picture surrounds my idea of integrity. Wikipedia defines integrity as being the concept of basing of one's actions on an internally consistent framework of principles. Back in June, I posted on character and I spoke of integrity by asking the questions "Does a person's walk match his talk? Does he do what he says he will do? Does he follow through?"
But a better word picture comes from a pastor I knew in Charlotte, NC. It's been on my mind a lot and I got to share it with some folks this morning. A little research (thanks to Google) told me that it comes from the Latin word sometimes interpreted sincere, which literally means "no wax".
The picture is that of pottery. Pottery is of course made out of clay. It is shaped carefully for a particular purpose, say carrying water. Then it is placed in an oven to bake it. During the baking process, the clay can shrink and sometimes leave cracks. Of course a pot with cracks is pretty useless, so it should be thrown away.
But some dishonest dealers found they could fill the cracks with wax. They might paint the pot, to make it pretty and then sell it to an unsuspecting buyer. The pot works fine until it ages or is heated and the wax melts out. Then the pot is fairly useless for carrying water.
The word integrity can be literally interpreted "no wax". It's a finer grade of pot and the seller has the integrity of only selling pots with no cracks.
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