What is your level of immaturity?

The other day, I was reminded of an event from my childhood. For several years in a row Mr. Patterson was my Training Union teach (training union is an old Baptist thing, probably doesn't exist any more). Mr. Patterson tried to teach a group of boys age 10 or so a little bit about the Bible and how it fits into life.

The problem was that this group of boys was a little rambunctious. And no one wanted to take over. So each year as we got older, Mr. Patterson moved up with us. He was probably the only one who could manage us.

At the end of each year, Mr. Patterson held a party at his house. He had a pool in the back yard and we'd swim, eat burgers and do what boys do - make a lot of noise. Mr. Patterson filmed all of this on his trusty 8mm home camera (with no sound). Of course, this film had to be developed (no VCR's back then), so we couldn't watch it immediately, but we could watch the film from the previous year.

My single recollection of these films is remembering how silly (immature) we seemed the year before. "Man," we thought, "look at the ridiculous things we did last year." Of course we still did those things and the next year was exactly the same.

I recalled all of this when I heard a young adult talking about how immature a teenager seemed. "Man," they thought, "look at the ridiculous things they do. We used to do that." Pretty much the same attitude I had back when I was a kid.

As they said this, I thought how immature this young adult was and how they had so much to learn. Then it occurred to me, how immature am I now? My mother probably realizes that in 20 or 30 more years, I'm going to understand so much more about life.

I'm not sure any of us can see our own immaturity. I've decided that I'm going to (try to) stop pointing out this in others, they'll grown into their situation and in a few years think "Man, look at the ridiculous things we did last year."

Profit in healthcare

You may have heard that the health care industry is stepping up to the newest health care plan working its way through congress. This article says that the drug companies were first to step up by giving up $80Billion and now hospitals are stepping up to accepting $155 in cuts. The reason they are willing to give this up (according to the article) is that "they're trying stave off a much bigger hit if the government sets up a public health insurance plan that pays them according to the relatively stingy fee schedule of Medicare."

So they see this as the least offensive option. But my question is, where will the cuts come from? Now I'm the first to say that hospitals charge very expensive rates. They routinely discount their rates 50% or more for insurance companies and my recent experience with some self-paid bills indicate that an individual can get the same discounts.

So these new cuts must be in addition. But what are they going to cut out? Just the "overhead"? Well, even if that's true, "overhead" results in jobs. In moving all records to electronic records, some paper pusher will lose a job. But my concern isn't just for paper pushers, it's for the other jobs. The person who cleans the rooms, the person who prepares the meals, and (most importantly) the nurses, doctors, aides, etc.

If profits are good (as I stipulated last month here), then profit in health care is good. And cutting that profit means job losses and (more scarily) potentially cuts in service.

Michael Jackson takes on the world

I've decided that Osama Bin Laden was right, America is a paper tiger. For the last several days, America has been focused on the death of Michael Jackson. All this while we have an economy that needs attention, a president engaging in foreign policy with (IMHO) our number 1 enemy (Russia), a continuing war in Afghanistan and Iraq, etc. etc.

Some would blame the news media for this fiasco. I don't. Personally, I don't believe the media is in conspiracy to destroy the US. I think the media is as capitalistic as they come, they will put in the news whatever they think the consumers want.

Instead, I blame you and me. We need to turn off Entertainment Tonight and get our news from legitimate news sources, not tabloids. We need to tell the newscasters were more interested in the price of tea in China (literally) than in who is shacking up with Brittney Spears.

The media attention around the Michael Jackson mess amazes me.

Gaffney serial killer is caught

Gaffney, SC is a small town best known for it's peach water tower, a symbol of the peach orchards in the area. Some have said the peach resembles the back-end of a woman bending over. In addition to the peach orchards, Gaffney, population around 13,000 is also home to Limestone College, a small "private, Christian, non-denominational, coeducational liberal arts college."

Recently, Gaffney has been terrorized by a serial killer who has murdered five people in three separate incidents. There has been no known connection between these people and no pattern. Yesterday, the suspect was killed in nearby Gaston County, NC after a shoot-out with police.

My family has two separate connections to Gaffney, about 50 miles away from my back door. My daughter-in-law's family lives in Gaffney and her mother works at Limestone College. They have lived in Gaffney their entire life. Additionally, my son-in-law's parents attended Limestone back before they were married. The town of Gaffney has been hit hard with this incident and they are all glad it's over.

Much will come out about the individual who committed these crimes. 41 year old Patrick Burris. During a press conference last night, SLED investigators waved a 25 page rap sheet - asking for an explanation as to why this man was on the streets. When captured, Burris was in the company of a couple - what is their role in this mess? Where has Burris been the last two weeks and what led him to Gaffney (he was caught about 30 miles away) to commit these murders?

There will be more research into all of this and I, for one, am interested in the answers. But for now, this saga is over and Gaffney can return to its peaceful nature again.

Mars & Venus for dummies

I said in my last post that I had trouble understanding the Mars & Venus thing. Once I realized that this was talking about men & women and not about planets, I was in even more trouble. But it seems like Governor Mark Sanford understands even less about the subject, so I figured I could help him out a little.

First, if you're hiding a relationship with an Argentinan mistress and you keep emails lying around, don't send your wife in to look for financial documents. Yep, Sanford sent his wife into his office and she found out about his affair. He had to confess and blow up the whole thing. It's almost like he wanted to get caught.

Second, once caught, don't ask permission from your wife to go see your mistress. Somehow, this seems obvious, but it must've gone over his head. The governor asked several times over the last few months if he could go see his sweetheart again. Maybe he was absent on the day they covered this in Cheaters 101 during his college days, you just don't do it. That's what cutting class will get you. I can just hear the conversation - "can I please just see her, just this once? I promise, we just need to talk." Yeah, right. Just talk.

Third, and this is important, if you're trying to make things up with your wife - especially if she seems agreeable to the idea - don't call someone else your soul mate. Now this is certainly one of those mars/venus things, but women tend to be a little jealous. Saying something like this is almost as bad as saying something like "yeah, she could lose a couple pounds" or "she doesn't look half bad once she puts the makeup on."

Now I should quickly point out that none of this comes from first hand knowledge. I did not attend Cheaters 101 class while in college (nor at anytime since) and didn't even sign up for it. My wife is very understanding, but has let me know in no uncertain terms what would happen if this ever became an issue with us (it's a scary story). And most importantly, I have NO DESIRE to find out what "the other side of the fence" is like (and the fear factor helps). My side of the fence is quite nice thank you.

But it sure seems the governor could learn a couple of lessons.

And now the hard part

I've made the last two posts notes to my sons/daughters/-in-laws, with some directions on how they should treat their marriages. And now comes the hard part... living it on a day-to-day basis.

When I first got married, I naively was looking forward to the day when I could coast. Looking for that day when everything was safe. Once past that day, I wouldn't have to work to protect my marriage and I would know that my marriage would be safe forever and ever, amen.

Of course that's one of those fleeting thoughts and as soon as you express it, you realize how silly it is. No, you realize, you're going to have to work each day to prove your love to your spouse, to protect your heart from those that would steal it. You're going to have to show her each day that she made the right choice when she said "I do."

But then, I realized there's two simple reasons not to fear this continued work. First, it's not that hard. Watch your heart, don't get into situations that create an opportunity for problems. Listen to her (or him for the ladies) daily, actually care about what's going on in their life.

Second, the benefits of working on your marriage daily are fabulous. So while this is the hard part, in many ways, it's the easy part too.

A note to my daughters/daughters-in-law

Last week, I published a note on the Sanford affair and included a note to my sons/sons-in-law. Now it's time for a counterpoint, a message to the girls in my life.

I need to start with a couple of strong caveats. I do not mean this as an attack or even a statement about Mrs. Sanford. I don't know (and don't want to know) anything about her marriage and (to date) she has acted with class. In fact, this doesn't apply to anyone who has had problems in the past, it applies to future actions only. Second, no where does this give any man any excuse to cheat. That's inexcusable. I'm hoping I can tell some women how to make their marriage better.

And my final caveat is that I am not now, nor ever have been (or desire to be) a woman. I struggled with the mars/venus thing when I thought it related to planets, once I discovered it was about men & women I was even more confused. I claim no special knowledge about women, a lesson I've learned the hard way several times.

That said, I saw something in Mark Sanford's letters that needs to be pointed out. He was looking for someone to confide in. He was looking for someone to share his daily life with. He found it in the wrong place.

There's a song that says "he'll have good times doing things that you don't understand." You don't have to understand the things your husband enjoys. But you can still listen to him talk about those things. Or go watch him do them. Cheer him on. And "if you love him, ... be proud of him." There isn't a man alive who doesn't want his woman to be proud of him. And he needs to hear it.

You also need to watch yourself and choose your friends carefully, especially the opposite sex. If you're confiding with another man things you haven't confided with your husband, you're committing emotional adultery. This can quickly lead to physical adultery.

Ok, there I said it. I've probably proven how little of the mars/venus thing I understand. And who knows how many times I'll have to clean up the mess I created with this post, but at least it's out.