I mentioned before that I really liked the movie Fireproof. If you haven't seen it, or been convinced to go see it, you can go to http://www.fireproofthemovie.com/ to get details, see trailers, etc.
I'm not saying that the movie will change your life, but it might. I'm not saying you have to do anything that is in the movie, but it wouldn't hurt.
If you do go to the movie, you should sit back and enjoy it. Don't get too wrapped up in the details, just see what happens to the couple. Have you been in their place? Do you think the same things happen to "regular" people? Were you happy with the results in the movie? Would you be happy with those results?
After the movie, discuss it with one of your friends. If you think the movie was good suggest that they go see it.
Tomorrow night, we have friends going to see the movie, at our suggestion. We plan to help out by baby-sitting for them. (actually, my wife will be doing most of the sitting, I'll probably be working late). Our plan is to send another couple on Friday night. This time, we'll not only be baby sitting, we'll pay for the tickets. That's my action plan. What's your's?
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Can a heart die twice?
This is a confusing story. I typically don't like pulling articles out of the paper and then blogging about them, but I couldn't resist on this one. I saw the article over the weekend and shared it with a few family members. Then I researched it on the web and found a little more information.
Seems Cheryl's father had something to do with some subsidized apartments. Terry was working for him, managing one of the apartment buildings. Terry was married (two daughters) when he met Cheryl and unfortunately, passion flared. Cheryl's first marriage had recently been annulled because her husband was already married. She and her first husband had 2 boys. He must've been a great guy, not only was he married to Cheryl and someone else at the same time, when she started seeing Terry, he was the one who told Terry's wife.
Anyway, Terry and his wife were soon divorced and Terry & Cheryl got married (nine days between divorce & remarriage for Terry). Terry & Cheryl were blessed with a daughter (her 3rd child). But less than 6 years into their marriage, things took a sour turn. She was making more money than him, and decided they couldn't stay married. At some point, "she took off her wedding ring and threw it over the fence."
On his way out the door, Terry took a detour into his bathroom, took out his .22-caliber gun and shot himself. He didn't die immediately: spent 4 days in the trauma unit before Cheryl agreed to take him off life support and donate his organs. Sonny enters the picture as the recipient of Terry's heart. Sonny was a 57 year old man, married for over 30 years with 2 children.
The heart was a good match for Sonny and a year and a half later, he decided to thank the family of his young donor. At a restaurant in Charleston, he "couldn't keep his eyes of the 30-year old widow" and "fell in love." But, at least then, the love wasn't returned.
Three months later, Cheryl married George, her husband number 3. Sonny gave the bride away. She had a son about 2 years later (child #4), but about the same time, her relationship with Sonny became something more than fatherly. Sonny wrote his wife a letter apologizing for destroying their now 40-year plus relationship. Both couples separate and when Sonny's divorce is final, he and Cheryl move in together. (Let's call him husband number 3.5)
This lasted about 2 years and then they split up. She marries husband #4, John. This lasts about a year, before it ends, both accusing each other of domestic abuse. By the time she is legally divorced, she's already wearing Sonny's ring. They marry soon afterwards (making him husband #3.5 & husband #5).
But alas, this too was doomed. After about 3 years, Sonny decided he had had too much. After almost exactly 13 years with a borrowed heart, a heart that had already once committed suicide, Sonny took his own life.
Reports are that Cheryl is already dating again and changed her MySpace page. The next husband needs to have his own heart, the heart that died twice has stopped beating for good.
*** Now, to make Emily happy, how do I feel about this? Well the focus of the story ends up being a lady, who comes across as a gold digger. A black widow. I'm not sure those terms are justified.
Keeping track of this story forced me to take notes, check them twice and find a second article on the web. Look at how many lives have been messed up in the process. Grandparents are now suing for rights to see their grandchildren. Husband #4 reports threats from Cheryl. The Georgia Bureau of Investigations is looking into the last death (still not closed).
So many lives torn apart. I'm not sure that Cheryl deserves to be called a black widow. But I certainly don't want to meet her face to face.
Seems Cheryl's father had something to do with some subsidized apartments. Terry was working for him, managing one of the apartment buildings. Terry was married (two daughters) when he met Cheryl and unfortunately, passion flared. Cheryl's first marriage had recently been annulled because her husband was already married. She and her first husband had 2 boys. He must've been a great guy, not only was he married to Cheryl and someone else at the same time, when she started seeing Terry, he was the one who told Terry's wife.
Anyway, Terry and his wife were soon divorced and Terry & Cheryl got married (nine days between divorce & remarriage for Terry). Terry & Cheryl were blessed with a daughter (her 3rd child). But less than 6 years into their marriage, things took a sour turn. She was making more money than him, and decided they couldn't stay married. At some point, "she took off her wedding ring and threw it over the fence."
On his way out the door, Terry took a detour into his bathroom, took out his .22-caliber gun and shot himself. He didn't die immediately: spent 4 days in the trauma unit before Cheryl agreed to take him off life support and donate his organs. Sonny enters the picture as the recipient of Terry's heart. Sonny was a 57 year old man, married for over 30 years with 2 children.
The heart was a good match for Sonny and a year and a half later, he decided to thank the family of his young donor. At a restaurant in Charleston, he "couldn't keep his eyes of the 30-year old widow" and "fell in love." But, at least then, the love wasn't returned.
Three months later, Cheryl married George, her husband number 3. Sonny gave the bride away. She had a son about 2 years later (child #4), but about the same time, her relationship with Sonny became something more than fatherly. Sonny wrote his wife a letter apologizing for destroying their now 40-year plus relationship. Both couples separate and when Sonny's divorce is final, he and Cheryl move in together. (Let's call him husband number 3.5)
This lasted about 2 years and then they split up. She marries husband #4, John. This lasts about a year, before it ends, both accusing each other of domestic abuse. By the time she is legally divorced, she's already wearing Sonny's ring. They marry soon afterwards (making him husband #3.5 & husband #5).
But alas, this too was doomed. After about 3 years, Sonny decided he had had too much. After almost exactly 13 years with a borrowed heart, a heart that had already once committed suicide, Sonny took his own life.
Reports are that Cheryl is already dating again and changed her MySpace page. The next husband needs to have his own heart, the heart that died twice has stopped beating for good.
*** Now, to make Emily happy, how do I feel about this? Well the focus of the story ends up being a lady, who comes across as a gold digger. A black widow. I'm not sure those terms are justified.
Keeping track of this story forced me to take notes, check them twice and find a second article on the web. Look at how many lives have been messed up in the process. Grandparents are now suing for rights to see their grandchildren. Husband #4 reports threats from Cheryl. The Georgia Bureau of Investigations is looking into the last death (still not closed).
So many lives torn apart. I'm not sure that Cheryl deserves to be called a black widow. But I certainly don't want to meet her face to face.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Do opposites attract?
You've heard it before, opposites attract. I've even seen a few cases where it seemed to be true, my wife & I for one. My daughter & her husband are another. She's a planner, he's free wheeling. She expresses her emotions, he holds them in. As for my wife and I, let's just say we have a strange and wonderful relationship -- I'm strange and she's wonderful.
I heard once a saying (I think from Larry Burkette) that in a marriage if both people are the same, one isn't needed. So what makes a good relationship?
I think you have to have a common background. Some fundamental values that match up. It also helps if you genuinely LIKE each other. I've seen cases where a couple were in love, but didn't like each other. After a while, they tire of each other. I've seen cases where the fundamental values didn't match. When times get tough, they go separate ways. When all that's left is the basics, the basics just don't match.
I've known a couple who were in an arranged marriage. In their culture, this was the norm. When they were young, the parents chose them to be together. They had a choice when they grew older, but they decided if the parents set this up, they would go through with it. Today, they are doing very well with two children. They actually liked each other and they had the same fundamental values.
I also believe it takes a commitment to stay together. Both people have to have the commitment. I've long said it takes two to keep a marriage together, but only one to split it apart. Without a commitment, there are two many times where it would be easy to walk away. Or walk to someone else.
I heard once a saying (I think from Larry Burkette) that in a marriage if both people are the same, one isn't needed. So what makes a good relationship?
I think you have to have a common background. Some fundamental values that match up. It also helps if you genuinely LIKE each other. I've seen cases where a couple were in love, but didn't like each other. After a while, they tire of each other. I've seen cases where the fundamental values didn't match. When times get tough, they go separate ways. When all that's left is the basics, the basics just don't match.
I've known a couple who were in an arranged marriage. In their culture, this was the norm. When they were young, the parents chose them to be together. They had a choice when they grew older, but they decided if the parents set this up, they would go through with it. Today, they are doing very well with two children. They actually liked each other and they had the same fundamental values.
I also believe it takes a commitment to stay together. Both people have to have the commitment. I've long said it takes two to keep a marriage together, but only one to split it apart. Without a commitment, there are two many times where it would be easy to walk away. Or walk to someone else.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Crossing the Rubicon
I heard a new phrase today and it generated all sorts of mental images. The phrase was crossing the Rubicon, the idea is that you deliberately go past the point of no return. The origination of the phrase is to Julius Caesar's day, where he sent his army across the Rubicon River, starting his invasion of Ancient Rome. Once his people crossed that river, there was no turning back, the war had begun.
I heard the phrase in a commercial for an anti-divorce book or program to be used by couples. The individual said that he and his wife discussed divorced and nearly "crossed the Rubicon".
I know two couples whose marriages are in trouble and this image fits very well. One couple has already crossed the Rubicon, the second is close, if not already past. The image is that they are headed to this point, in some cases with increasing speed and the force behind them continues to push them. At some point, and you could almost draw a line, they have no way out.
An oft used equal phrase is burning bridges and a less used phrase is burning boats. I think it was Cortez who ordered his boats burned when invading Mexico to keep his troops from attempting to retreat.
I heard the phrase in a commercial for an anti-divorce book or program to be used by couples. The individual said that he and his wife discussed divorced and nearly "crossed the Rubicon".
I know two couples whose marriages are in trouble and this image fits very well. One couple has already crossed the Rubicon, the second is close, if not already past. The image is that they are headed to this point, in some cases with increasing speed and the force behind them continues to push them. At some point, and you could almost draw a line, they have no way out.
An oft used equal phrase is burning bridges and a less used phrase is burning boats. I think it was Cortez who ordered his boats burned when invading Mexico to keep his troops from attempting to retreat.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Eviscerate
This word has been on my mind a lot lately. I think I read it in the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge (a good book, by the way). The word literally means to remove the entrails. Picture a hunter who has caught his prey, he removes the entrials to prevent them from infecting the good meat. You gut a fish before you catch it. Same thing.
But my mind hasn't been on hunting. Instead it's been on a friend of mine who has been eviscerated. Those who know some scorned or vengeful women may have an image of how an man can be eviscerated. In this case, that image doesn't fit exactly, but leave that image in your mind.
The friend has been told by many of those around him that he's not a man. He grew up in an abusive home (I'm assuming "mild" physical abuse - if there is such a thing) with an alcoholic parent. His parents divorced and the alcoholic hasn't remarried. The other spouse remarried and ignored my friend. (I think the remarriage and ignorance happend after my friend became an adult - not while he was still a child).
Now, his marriage is on the rocks. He wants to be a good husband, he wants to be a good father. They've been to counseling, but it didn't help. Certainly some (most?) of the blame for the failure of their relationship falls on his shoulders. He admits this as fact. That doesn't make it any easier to resolve things.
When I look into my very cloudy crystal ball, I see them headed for more problems. I wish I knew an easy way to un-viscerate him and convince her that they can recover. There may already be too much water under the bridge.
But my mind hasn't been on hunting. Instead it's been on a friend of mine who has been eviscerated. Those who know some scorned or vengeful women may have an image of how an man can be eviscerated. In this case, that image doesn't fit exactly, but leave that image in your mind.
The friend has been told by many of those around him that he's not a man. He grew up in an abusive home (I'm assuming "mild" physical abuse - if there is such a thing) with an alcoholic parent. His parents divorced and the alcoholic hasn't remarried. The other spouse remarried and ignored my friend. (I think the remarriage and ignorance happend after my friend became an adult - not while he was still a child).
Now, his marriage is on the rocks. He wants to be a good husband, he wants to be a good father. They've been to counseling, but it didn't help. Certainly some (most?) of the blame for the failure of their relationship falls on his shoulders. He admits this as fact. That doesn't make it any easier to resolve things.
When I look into my very cloudy crystal ball, I see them headed for more problems. I wish I knew an easy way to un-viscerate him and convince her that they can recover. There may already be too much water under the bridge.
Friday, September 21, 2007
What part of "until death do you part" can you ignore?
A friend is going through some major problems in his marriage. It's hard to get the facts, but he's asked her to leave (several times) and she just might take him up on it. She's making a "Plan B" kind of plan and making sure there's somewhere to go.
Oddly enough, I think their marriage is salvageable. He needs to swallow his pride and admit his mistakes (of which there are plenty) and she needs to not get historical about them. And she needs to search her soul and find her mistakes (women are always subtle about their mistakes) and he needs to let her do the searching.
It seems that divorce is never (or seldom) clean. There's not a single incident that you can point to and say "that's what caused the divorce." Let's home in this case, they don't get that far. To borrow a line from a friends recent blog post, let's hope they "stay together for the kids."
Oddly enough, I think their marriage is salvageable. He needs to swallow his pride and admit his mistakes (of which there are plenty) and she needs to not get historical about them. And she needs to search her soul and find her mistakes (women are always subtle about their mistakes) and he needs to let her do the searching.
It seems that divorce is never (or seldom) clean. There's not a single incident that you can point to and say "that's what caused the divorce." Let's home in this case, they don't get that far. To borrow a line from a friends recent blog post, let's hope they "stay together for the kids."
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Divorce American Style - Part 2
This story doesn't exactly involve a divorce. At least not yet.
Seems Mike Moore (not the movie guy) is a deputy in Elko, Nv who arrested a woman for DUI. Normally, this would create much of a stir, but this time he arrested HIS WIFE. TWICE!
You can't make this stuff up. See the article here.
Seems Mike Moore (not the movie guy) is a deputy in Elko, Nv who arrested a woman for DUI. Normally, this would create much of a stir, but this time he arrested HIS WIFE. TWICE!
You can't make this stuff up. See the article here.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Divorce American Style
You may have seen the story featured on NBC's Today. (Some of) the women that read this will love it. (Some of) the men will snicker. Personally, I think it's funnny and sad at the same time. Pardon the subject line, a bad take-off on an old TV show (shows my age).
Seems Leroy Greer and his wife were on the outs. Their marriage was headed to Divorce Court. During the separation, unknown to his wife, Leroy found a new friend, surely for emotional support. But things with the wife improved and they got back together. Until.
Leroy's wife received a thank you note from 1-800-FLOWERS. Realizing that she hadn't received any flowers, she called the office and asked for a copy of the receipt. Not realizing the predicament (or maybe some scorned admin realized it and wished to cause Leroy more pain) she received a copy of the receipt along with a copy of the card which said "Just wanted to say I love you".
I'm sure Leroy explained that it didn't really mean anything and that she (his wife) was the only one for him, but she didn't accept the story. Instead, she increased the amount she was asking for in the divorce settlement. Of course Leroy says that worse than the financial impact, his marriage is now soured and he's suing 1-800-FLOWERS (it's the American way).
You can't make this stuff up. Read one account here. Your comments welcome
Seems Leroy Greer and his wife were on the outs. Their marriage was headed to Divorce Court. During the separation, unknown to his wife, Leroy found a new friend, surely for emotional support. But things with the wife improved and they got back together. Until.
Leroy's wife received a thank you note from 1-800-FLOWERS. Realizing that she hadn't received any flowers, she called the office and asked for a copy of the receipt. Not realizing the predicament (or maybe some scorned admin realized it and wished to cause Leroy more pain) she received a copy of the receipt along with a copy of the card which said "Just wanted to say I love you".
I'm sure Leroy explained that it didn't really mean anything and that she (his wife) was the only one for him, but she didn't accept the story. Instead, she increased the amount she was asking for in the divorce settlement. Of course Leroy says that worse than the financial impact, his marriage is now soured and he's suing 1-800-FLOWERS (it's the American way).
You can't make this stuff up. Read one account here. Your comments welcome
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)