Where do you cross the line in the workplace?

It's been a busy week and I haven't been able to blog. But I saw this news article today and had to comment. The headline says "Massachusetts Man Says He Was Fired for Telling Colleague Her Gay Marriage Is Wrong".

The story is that Peter Vidala worked at Brookstone and a manager from another store visited. While she was there she commented on her impending homosexual marriage (which is legal in Massachusetts - where both Peter and she live). Peter returned with his views opposing the relationship. As a result of his negative comments, Peter was fired. He was told that he was "entitled to (his) own beliefs," but that "imposing them upon others in the workplace is not acceptable."

In part, I agree with Brookstone. However, they didn't do adequate research into why Peter expressed his beliefs. Apparently, the manager explained about her upcoming marriage and "mentioned four times that she had married her partner." Now it's highly possible that she was excited about her marriage (I was excited when I got married and probably told people a lot), but mentioning this four times is a little excessive.

In fact, Peter said he felt "intentionally goaded" and that "she knew how I felt about homosexuality." If that's the case, the manager was wrong to bring up the issue and Peter was being harassed for his beliefs.

In today's world, it's very likely that we will all have to work with someone who believes differently. We should be able to express those beliefs WITHIN LIMITS without fear of recrimination. Likewise, if we are offended by someone's beliefs, we should simply express that we don't want to discuss the matter and that should be the end of the discussion.

The manager in this case violated this principal. When she realized (or if she knew ahead of time) that she was discussing something that offended Peter, she should have changed the subject. Brookstone should not employ managers who intentionally cause divisiveness.

Has it really been eight years?

Some of my frequent readers may remember that a year ago this time, I posted an entry (seen here) about my seventh anniversary. It turns out, this time of the year is pretty popular, Brian the Red should have celebrated their 33rd (if I can do the math right) anniversary about a week ago and Brooke her eleventh a couple of weeks ago based on comments they left last year. Happy anniversary to both of them.

Today, I want to thank my dear, sweet wife for making me happy for the last eight years (and the year we dated before that). In many ways it seems like just yesterday we met and went to a short lunch at Schlotzsky's (which sadly is no longer there). In other ways, it seems like time started on that day eight years ago.

There's too much to say (and way to sappy) to post it all here, but I can say that I love you more today than ever before. And as much as I've enjoyed the last eight years, I'm looking for the next eight and the next eight and the next. We laughed last night, that if we get to celebrate our 50th, we'll both be in our 90's. Doesn't seem like so bad a deal...

Mars & Venus for dummies

I said in my last post that I had trouble understanding the Mars & Venus thing. Once I realized that this was talking about men & women and not about planets, I was in even more trouble. But it seems like Governor Mark Sanford understands even less about the subject, so I figured I could help him out a little.

First, if you're hiding a relationship with an Argentinan mistress and you keep emails lying around, don't send your wife in to look for financial documents. Yep, Sanford sent his wife into his office and she found out about his affair. He had to confess and blow up the whole thing. It's almost like he wanted to get caught.

Second, once caught, don't ask permission from your wife to go see your mistress. Somehow, this seems obvious, but it must've gone over his head. The governor asked several times over the last few months if he could go see his sweetheart again. Maybe he was absent on the day they covered this in Cheaters 101 during his college days, you just don't do it. That's what cutting class will get you. I can just hear the conversation - "can I please just see her, just this once? I promise, we just need to talk." Yeah, right. Just talk.

Third, and this is important, if you're trying to make things up with your wife - especially if she seems agreeable to the idea - don't call someone else your soul mate. Now this is certainly one of those mars/venus things, but women tend to be a little jealous. Saying something like this is almost as bad as saying something like "yeah, she could lose a couple pounds" or "she doesn't look half bad once she puts the makeup on."

Now I should quickly point out that none of this comes from first hand knowledge. I did not attend Cheaters 101 class while in college (nor at anytime since) and didn't even sign up for it. My wife is very understanding, but has let me know in no uncertain terms what would happen if this ever became an issue with us (it's a scary story). And most importantly, I have NO DESIRE to find out what "the other side of the fence" is like (and the fear factor helps). My side of the fence is quite nice thank you.

But it sure seems the governor could learn a couple of lessons.

And now the hard part

I've made the last two posts notes to my sons/daughters/-in-laws, with some directions on how they should treat their marriages. And now comes the hard part... living it on a day-to-day basis.

When I first got married, I naively was looking forward to the day when I could coast. Looking for that day when everything was safe. Once past that day, I wouldn't have to work to protect my marriage and I would know that my marriage would be safe forever and ever, amen.

Of course that's one of those fleeting thoughts and as soon as you express it, you realize how silly it is. No, you realize, you're going to have to work each day to prove your love to your spouse, to protect your heart from those that would steal it. You're going to have to show her each day that she made the right choice when she said "I do."

But then, I realized there's two simple reasons not to fear this continued work. First, it's not that hard. Watch your heart, don't get into situations that create an opportunity for problems. Listen to her (or him for the ladies) daily, actually care about what's going on in their life.

Second, the benefits of working on your marriage daily are fabulous. So while this is the hard part, in many ways, it's the easy part too.

A note to my daughters/daughters-in-law

Last week, I published a note on the Sanford affair and included a note to my sons/sons-in-law. Now it's time for a counterpoint, a message to the girls in my life.

I need to start with a couple of strong caveats. I do not mean this as an attack or even a statement about Mrs. Sanford. I don't know (and don't want to know) anything about her marriage and (to date) she has acted with class. In fact, this doesn't apply to anyone who has had problems in the past, it applies to future actions only. Second, no where does this give any man any excuse to cheat. That's inexcusable. I'm hoping I can tell some women how to make their marriage better.

And my final caveat is that I am not now, nor ever have been (or desire to be) a woman. I struggled with the mars/venus thing when I thought it related to planets, once I discovered it was about men & women I was even more confused. I claim no special knowledge about women, a lesson I've learned the hard way several times.

That said, I saw something in Mark Sanford's letters that needs to be pointed out. He was looking for someone to confide in. He was looking for someone to share his daily life with. He found it in the wrong place.

There's a song that says "he'll have good times doing things that you don't understand." You don't have to understand the things your husband enjoys. But you can still listen to him talk about those things. Or go watch him do them. Cheer him on. And "if you love him, ... be proud of him." There isn't a man alive who doesn't want his woman to be proud of him. And he needs to hear it.

You also need to watch yourself and choose your friends carefully, especially the opposite sex. If you're confiding with another man things you haven't confided with your husband, you're committing emotional adultery. This can quickly lead to physical adultery.

Ok, there I said it. I've probably proven how little of the mars/venus thing I understand. And who knows how many times I'll have to clean up the mess I created with this post, but at least it's out.

Not a good excuse

Ok, guys, this is one excuse NOT to use.

Seems a man used his iPhone to take a picture of himself. Except, he wasn't taking a picture of his face. The article only explains that it was a "raunchy picture". Then his wife found out it was on his Yahoo e-mail.

This guy has a great idea. He explains to her that while he took the picture (for what reason, it doesn't say) but that he didn't send it to anyone. Instead, he explained, "he'd been a victim of an iPhone glitch."

Now here's where it gets good. You have to give this guy credit for creativity (or stupidity). He told her that ""photos sometimes automatically attach themselves to an e-mail address and appear in the sent folder, even though no e-mail was ever sent."

So see dear, I took the picture and yes I sent a note to this other woman, but the picture really wasn't included. Don't you see honey?

Well, it seems that the woman didn't completely believe him, so he decided to expand his story. he said he went to the Apple store and the folks at the Genius bar told him this.

The woman wasn't quite a believer, so she asked online at the Apple support website. Other people there explained that this was not a glitch. It's not clear if she followed through with their recommendations.

So men, don't blame your indiscretions on your iPhone, it won't work. Here's the article if you want to read it. I confess that I interpreted a lot between the lines.

Fireproof - phase 2

I mentioned before that I really liked the movie Fireproof. If you haven't seen it, or been convinced to go see it, you can go to http://www.fireproofthemovie.com/ to get details, see trailers, etc.

I'm not saying that the movie will change your life, but it might. I'm not saying you have to do anything that is in the movie, but it wouldn't hurt.

If you do go to the movie, you should sit back and enjoy it. Don't get too wrapped up in the details, just see what happens to the couple. Have you been in their place? Do you think the same things happen to "regular" people? Were you happy with the results in the movie? Would you be happy with those results?

After the movie, discuss it with one of your friends. If you think the movie was good suggest that they go see it.

Tomorrow night, we have friends going to see the movie, at our suggestion. We plan to help out by baby-sitting for them. (actually, my wife will be doing most of the sitting, I'll probably be working late). Our plan is to send another couple on Friday night. This time, we'll not only be baby sitting, we'll pay for the tickets. That's my action plan. What's your's?

Seven year anniversary - Fireproof

Today marks my seventh wedding anniversary. Seven years and she hasn't kicked me out yet. What a wonderful woman. Over the weekend we went to see the movie "Fireproof". Imagine my surprise when Caleb (Kirk Cameron) points out to his wife that they've been married seven years. I'd heard a lot about the movie, but no one had shared that little detail with me.

What is it about seven years that is supposed to be so difficult? We always hear about "the seven year itch" (which I just found out was an old movie) In my mind, the last seven years have been great. Ok, maybe not all of the time. But the good times have more than outweighed the bad times. And mainly because we both tried. We both considered it worth working for. And the results have been OUTSTANDING!

I'm looking forward to the next seven years and the next seven after that. I'm looking forward to as many sevens as I can get.

The movie was good. It was funny, it was touching. If you're the emotional kind that cries easily, take a tissue. If you're not that kind, you won't be put off by the teary eyes. There's a good bit of comedy spread throughout and the audience really gets into the movie. You get pulled in rooting for the couple, rooting for their marriage and rooting for them as individuals.

Caleb (played by Kirk Cameron, formerly of the TV show Growing Pains) is a firefighter, head of his firehouse, and has saved lives on more than one occasion. We see two scenes in the movie where he is called into action. He leads his team by both barking out orders and going in first. He's not trying to act macho, he's just doing what he's trained to do. He's a hero with everyone but his wife.

His marriage is falling apart. And to put it bluntly, he's not sure it's worth saving. After all, it's not his fault, it's his wife's. She's always nagging him and doesn't appreciate what he does for her. He's been saving for several years to buy a boat and the boat is primary on his mind. Now she complains that this is all he thinks about. That and one other dirty secret he has.

Never leave your partner behind. That's his motto as a firefighter. But how can he make this apply to his marriage?

The movie is age appropriate for all ages, but I'm not sure all would understand. We went with another couple and discussed if it was good for our late-teen aged sons. We decided that it might be good, but would probably go beyond their understanding. For my four older kids (all married less than seven years), I HIGHLY, STRONGLY recommend it. It's also appropriate for couples who might be going through tough times. But the movie isn't enough by itself. You have to learn to work at it. Each day. Every day.

A friend recently went through some tough times with his marriage. "Randy," he told me, "no one ever told me it was going to be this hard." My answer to him was a simple question: "Who ever told you it was going to be easy?" But then I pointed out "It's worth the effort."

Seven years. My wedding anniversary and the couple in the movie. Thank you to the movie producers for putting that one small line in to remind me that I need to work every day to show my wife how much I love her. I don't think it was a coincidence. Thank you to my wife, for putting up with me for seven more years. Thank you for seven wonderful years. And if she'll have me, for the next seven. And the next seven after that.

Can a heart die twice?

This is a confusing story. I typically don't like pulling articles out of the paper and then blogging about them, but I couldn't resist on this one. I saw the article over the weekend and shared it with a few family members. Then I researched it on the web and found a little more information.

Seems Cheryl's father had something to do with some subsidized apartments. Terry was working for him, managing one of the apartment buildings. Terry was married (two daughters) when he met Cheryl and unfortunately, passion flared. Cheryl's first marriage had recently been annulled because her husband was already married. She and her first husband had 2 boys. He must've been a great guy, not only was he married to Cheryl and someone else at the same time, when she started seeing Terry, he was the one who told Terry's wife.

Anyway, Terry and his wife were soon divorced and Terry & Cheryl got married (nine days between divorce & remarriage for Terry). Terry & Cheryl were blessed with a daughter (her 3rd child). But less than 6 years into their marriage, things took a sour turn. She was making more money than him, and decided they couldn't stay married. At some point, "she took off her wedding ring and threw it over the fence."

On his way out the door, Terry took a detour into his bathroom, took out his .22-caliber gun and shot himself. He didn't die immediately: spent 4 days in the trauma unit before Cheryl agreed to take him off life support and donate his organs. Sonny enters the picture as the recipient of Terry's heart. Sonny was a 57 year old man, married for over 30 years with 2 children.

The heart was a good match for Sonny and a year and a half later, he decided to thank the family of his young donor. At a restaurant in Charleston, he "couldn't keep his eyes of the 30-year old widow" and "fell in love." But, at least then, the love wasn't returned.

Three months later, Cheryl married George, her husband number 3. Sonny gave the bride away. She had a son about 2 years later (child #4), but about the same time, her relationship with Sonny became something more than fatherly. Sonny wrote his wife a letter apologizing for destroying their now 40-year plus relationship. Both couples separate and when Sonny's divorce is final, he and Cheryl move in together. (Let's call him husband number 3.5)

This lasted about 2 years and then they split up. She marries husband #4, John. This lasts about a year, before it ends, both accusing each other of domestic abuse. By the time she is legally divorced, she's already wearing Sonny's ring. They marry soon afterwards (making him husband #3.5 & husband #5).

But alas, this too was doomed. After about 3 years, Sonny decided he had had too much. After almost exactly 13 years with a borrowed heart, a heart that had already once committed suicide, Sonny took his own life.

Reports are that Cheryl is already dating again and changed her MySpace page. The next husband needs to have his own heart, the heart that died twice has stopped beating for good.

*** Now, to make Emily happy, how do I feel about this? Well the focus of the story ends up being a lady, who comes across as a gold digger. A black widow. I'm not sure those terms are justified.

Keeping track of this story forced me to take notes, check them twice and find a second article on the web. Look at how many lives have been messed up in the process. Grandparents are now suing for rights to see their grandchildren. Husband #4 reports threats from Cheryl. The Georgia Bureau of Investigations is looking into the last death (still not closed).

So many lives torn apart. I'm not sure that Cheryl deserves to be called a black widow. But I certainly don't want to meet her face to face.

Substitute Sugar

Many of my readers know that my wife is out of town, so the title of this post may raise some eye-brows. But I'm not talking about THAT kind of substitute sugar, I'm talking about the stuff that comes in little blue, yellow or pink packets. I'm talking about this kind of substitute:

When looking for an image to go with this post, I even learned there's a NEW substitute, I wonder what color package it will use? Probably green, everything seems to be going green these days.

Yesterday, I decided that I would try an alternative in my coffee. I know I can stand to lose a couple (no laughs please) of pounds, so I decided to use some of the pink packets instead of the normal stuff.

Now my coffee usually has this really rich flavor. I've gotten used to this Colombian coffee that I received as a gift earlier this summer (which is about all gone, hint, hint). It was given to me by someone who actually went to Colombia just to pick up the coffee. While they were there, they decided to make it a week long stay, see some friends and some sights etc.

I've decided that the rich coffee flavor is a combination of the special beans (if you've seen "The Bucket List", I don't want to know why these particular beans are special) and the fact that the coffee is finely ground. I'm convinced that some scientist somewhere knows that the fine ground coffee permeates every molecule of water as it brews.

But I noticed that the flavor wasn't the same with the pink stuff. This morning, I tried the blue stuff. Still not as flavorful. I don't have any of the yellow stuff, so tomorrow I'm going back to the real deal.

As a side note, why is it that we choose our sugar by color now?

Anyway, I just want to say, no substitute sugar for me. That goes for my coffee and my lips too!

Maintenance

Random thought day.

I had this idea about maintenance. Cars need maintenance. Oil needs to be changed regularly. Belts changed, filters replaced. The inside needs to be cleaned, cups & burger bags thrown away, vacuumed, treat the vinyl so it doesn't dry out etc. Even adding gas to the tank is maintenance

If a car isn't maintained, it will soon fall apart. I speak from some experience here. Years ago, I had some major engine troubles with a car because of a lack of oil changes. Very expensive. I could have had oil changes for life with what it cost. If the car doesn't literally fall apart, it may run poorly. It will fetch less at resale time.

Other things in life need maintenance too. Doing the dishes is maintenance. Mopping, sweeping, vacuuming. The house needs maintenance. Some people like this kind of maintenance. With medication, they may be healed.

The body needs maintenance. Sleep is maintenance. Teenagers like to run without sleep. I think they are afraid they will miss some fun if they sleep. (I try to never miss out on a good nap) I'm sure exercise could be called maintenance, but that's carrying this analogy a little too far (and getting personal).

Relationships need maintenance. I need to do a better job of this.

Life in general needs maintenance. Where else is maintenance required?

Shhh! It's a secret

One of my readers told me that she wanted to hear less about politics and instead to hear directly from my heart. This one's for you Emily.

I don't like secrets. Never have, never will. Ben Franklin supposedly said that "three can keep a secret if two of them are dead." (I can't swear he said it, even though my kids think I'm that old).

Some secrets are made to be kept. National Security requires it. Sometimes, business requires it. I can't discuss my information with my competitor. Some of my customers like to keep their information "private". All that makes sense. I don't have to do it often and I don't like it when I do.

But I hate it when people tells me something and say "now don't tell anyone" or "don't tell so-and-so". I hate it worse when they ask me not to share with my family.

So for the record, I don't keep secrets from family. Oh sure there are things that remain private. And I won't go into detail about finances with anyone but my wife. I decided long ago that my children just didn't need to know how much I made, how much I paid for my house or car. My goal was to avoid them trying to one-up their friends.

I once knew a family who believed in secrets. "Don't tell your father," the mother would say to her daughter or "don't tell your husband/wife". To me this seems to sow the seeds of distrust.

But you may say "I'm keeping this secret to protect them" to which I would say "who appointed you their protector?" Maybe when they were children. But at some point, you hope they've grown up. You hope you've trained them correctly. The husband and wife should be able to share everything.

I've also seen this protection abused. Happens more to wives by husbands, but could apply to anyone. Men "protect" their wives by hiding the truth or flat out lying to them. They end up treating their wives as lesser beings. Totally unfair. I've also seen it lead to sharing secrets with people other than a spouse. I think of this as "emotional adultery". Not surprisingly, it often leads to "physical adultery."

Now I do have an exception for some secrets. I'd call them surprises. Birthdays, Christmas, etc. Once I kept a "secret" when my wife's son came to visit on Mother's day. He was headed out of country to fight some bad guys. The surprise was wonderful. We also had a surprise birthday party for my wife. Everyone loves those kind of secrets. But these are all very specific and very time-oriented.

* Updated to correct spelling - My editor is tough. After the fact.

Civil Union

This isn't a subject I typically discuss. It's never affected me or anyone close to me directly (at least to my knowledge). But I heard about a case today that brings this to a new light.

Janet Jenkins and Lisa Miller lived in Virginia which does not allow unions of same-sex couples. So they took a trip to Vermont to have their relationship legalized. Of course, since they lived in Virginia (which has a strong law against these unions) their relationship would still go unrecognized.

Lisa wanted a baby. Together (by one report, other reports say no) they went to the doctor's office to conceive along with the help of Donor 2309. Four months after Lisa delivered a little girl, Isabella, they decided to move to Vermont, where their relationship was legal.

But as happens in many relationships, things turned sour. Lisa moved back to Virginia and took little Isabella with her. This is when things got confusing. Seems that Janet wanted custody. The Washington Post has a LONG history of the case here, and it gets confusing. I hope you'll go read it, but you might need to take notes as you go along.

At the heart of the case is which state's laws apply? Of course, if it becomes messy enough to go to the Supreme Court, the question will be can Virginia establish a law to not recognize Vermont marriages. If a homosexual couple marries in Vermont, does Virginia have to recognize it? In the past, I felt like this was a matter best left to the states, but the supremes may decide others.

Reading the details of the story, I'd bet that the case will be decided on some technicality. There are questions about jurisdiction, improper representation and what the mother signed vs what she understood. I'm afraid the supremes will choose not to get involved with the meat of this case and dodge it instead. But be watching the case of Miller v Jenkins.

* updated spelling

Cost of unwed parenting and divorce

A new study says that unwed parenting and divorce is costing the US taxpayers $112 billion a year. Say that out loud. $112 BILLION. With a "B".

The study suggests that state and local lawmakers invest more money in programs to help out marriages. Seems like a good idea to me...

Read the full article here.

Bachelor for a few days

My wife is out of town for a few days, so it's just my son & I here. I make a terribly boring bachelor. Last night was Saturday night, and what do I do?

Well, first I made an early dinner. Incrediby Easy Cheeseburger Pie (recipe is on the box of Bisquick). Then I started making something else for today or tomorrow. It's chicken in the crock-pot. I'll serve it with mashed potatoes or something.

Then I went to the grocery store. Something told me I needed to go. Most important item to get: syrup for my son's pancakes. Then I walked down the aisle with peanuts. I really shouldn't have, but I picked some up. One of those party-size plastic cannisters.

No, I didn't eat all of them last night, but I made a dent in them. I love peanuts. But then I just sit here in my easy chair and veg out in front of Law & Order in 3 flavors and munch on nuts.

Anyway, it's only a couple days. Today is church, then probably eat our afterwards. Tomorrow I'm going to visit a friend whose daughter is having minor surgery. Then Tuesday, my daughter is taking me out to dinner. Then I go out of town the day my wife gets back and my bachelor-hood is traded in for out-of-town-hood.

So it's really a short (but boring) bachelor time.

I made the bed

I just completed a task that I deem to be silly - making the bed. Seriously, we slept in the bed last night and it is messy, but who's going to see it? Tonight, we'll get in the bed and mess it up again, so why make it? Ben Franklin once said that a job done well need never be done again. Good Ole' Ben obviously never made the bed. Tomorrow morning it's going to need it again.

There's no one coming over and even if they did, they wouldn't come upstairs. No one would know if I skipped this menial task. No one except my wife (my son too, but he couldn't care less).

So, given the way I feel about it, why would I do this? Simple - my wife asked me to. Since I'm the last one up, I get to make the bed. If I get up before she goes downstairs to leave, she will make it, or we get to make it together, but since I slept a little late, she asked me to do it.

And I know that when she comes in this afternoon, she will notice it. She may not say anything, but if she does it will make my day complete. Regardless, she will notice it. And anything that I can do to make her just a little happier, well it makes me happy. Not that I do this for the reward, no even if she doesn't notice I'd still make the bed. Simply because she asked.

Somedays, I don't make the bed. I always have a good excuse, I forgot or I was too busy. I usually explain it to her. She doesn't get mad, occasionally she will remind me how important it is to her (I still don't understand). But I know she will forgive me and she will not hold a grudge. She's wonderful that way.

Even in all her wonder, she's not perfect. I think she's beautiful, strong and wonderful, but I know she's human and therefore must have faults, even if I don't see them (and certainly wouldn't mention them if I did).

So why write about this? Well, the last several days, I've been involved in a multi-way discussion on God's Grace and Truth. (Read about it here). While making the bed, I realized that my making the bed was somehow tied to the topic.

Sometimes I don't understand why God asks me to clean up a part of my life. It seems silly. No one will notice and it really won't make a difference. Sure I can clean something up, but it's just going to get messed up again. So why do it?

Because I love Him. I know that He will notice. And maybe, just maybe He will say somthing about it. But even if He doesn't, I'd still do it. I don't do it for the rewards, I do it because He loves me.

Unlike my wife, He is perfect. He has no faults. Some of the folks in the other discussion just don't get that, but it doesn't change the facts. So if He's perfect and my wife isn't (she's close), how much more should I do for Him?

Oh, and if I don't do what He asks? He'll forgive me. I always have a good excuse, I forgot or I was too busy. I usually explain it to Him. He doesn't get mad, occasionally He will remind me how important it is to him (I still don't understand). But I know He will forgive me and He will not hold a grudge. He's wonderful that way.

God, please forgive me when I fail you. I know it happens way too often. Please point it out to me when I do. I want to please you, even when I don't understand the reasons. Amen.

Now, I think I'll go check that bed one more time...

Do opposites attract?

You've heard it before, opposites attract. I've even seen a few cases where it seemed to be true, my wife & I for one. My daughter & her husband are another. She's a planner, he's free wheeling. She expresses her emotions, he holds them in. As for my wife and I, let's just say we have a strange and wonderful relationship -- I'm strange and she's wonderful.

I heard once a saying (I think from Larry Burkette) that in a marriage if both people are the same, one isn't needed. So what makes a good relationship?

I think you have to have a common background. Some fundamental values that match up. It also helps if you genuinely LIKE each other. I've seen cases where a couple were in love, but didn't like each other. After a while, they tire of each other. I've seen cases where the fundamental values didn't match. When times get tough, they go separate ways. When all that's left is the basics, the basics just don't match.

I've known a couple who were in an arranged marriage. In their culture, this was the norm. When they were young, the parents chose them to be together. They had a choice when they grew older, but they decided if the parents set this up, they would go through with it. Today, they are doing very well with two children. They actually liked each other and they had the same fundamental values.

I also believe it takes a commitment to stay together. Both people have to have the commitment. I've long said it takes two to keep a marriage together, but only one to split it apart. Without a commitment, there are two many times where it would be easy to walk away. Or walk to someone else.

Rudy G for president

Yesterday, I read an article on Rudy Giuliani's mayor-ship. You can read the article for yourself here.

It seems that while Rudy was mayor, he had police protection at one time for himself, his wife and his mistress. My objection is not over the waste of tax payer money, my objection is over Rudy's failure to keep his promise to his wife and to have an "affair" (I dislike that term - it's too easy) while he was still married. (I also object to wasted tax payer money, but that's a much lower issue).

If a man can keep a promise to his wife, how can we expect him to keep a promise to his voters?

It seems to me that we already had a president in recent years who was a philanderer. I recall that when he ran for office, people said it didn't matter. All they were concerned about was the economy. Everything else was unimportant. As a result, we had several terrorists attacks (not on US soil, but against US property), our armed services suffered and the US was seen as soft. And as for the economy, everyone got what they wanted until the bubble burst (and continues to burst -see earlier post on Citibank).

I am reminded of the story detailed in 1 Samuel 8: The people of Israel wanted a king, and even though they were told how bad it would be for them, they demanded a king. God saw this as a rejection of his sovereignty and let them have what they asked for. In 1992, we Americans got what we asked for. Let's hope it doesn't happen again.

For the record, I can not vote for someone who has been so reckless with his promises. Marriage is sacred. If a man treats his wife this way, he won't get my vote.

Typically, I leave Bible study and politics out of my posts, but this one just couldn't be left alone.

Eviscerate

This word has been on my mind a lot lately. I think I read it in the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge (a good book, by the way). The word literally means to remove the entrails. Picture a hunter who has caught his prey, he removes the entrials to prevent them from infecting the good meat. You gut a fish before you catch it. Same thing.

But my mind hasn't been on hunting. Instead it's been on a friend of mine who has been eviscerated. Those who know some scorned or vengeful women may have an image of how an man can be eviscerated. In this case, that image doesn't fit exactly, but leave that image in your mind.

The friend has been told by many of those around him that he's not a man. He grew up in an abusive home (I'm assuming "mild" physical abuse - if there is such a thing) with an alcoholic parent. His parents divorced and the alcoholic hasn't remarried. The other spouse remarried and ignored my friend. (I think the remarriage and ignorance happend after my friend became an adult - not while he was still a child).

Now, his marriage is on the rocks. He wants to be a good husband, he wants to be a good father. They've been to counseling, but it didn't help. Certainly some (most?) of the blame for the failure of their relationship falls on his shoulders. He admits this as fact. That doesn't make it any easier to resolve things.

When I look into my very cloudy crystal ball, I see them headed for more problems. I wish I knew an easy way to un-viscerate him and convince her that they can recover. There may already be too much water under the bridge.

I lied and committed ID theft

I confess. Tonight I committed ID theft and I lied.

A little over 2 months ago, I helped my wife apply for her free credit report. For some reason, it couldn't be sent online, so we asked for it to be mailed. Tonight I decided to find out what happened to it (it never arrived). So, rather than try to explain it to my wife and have her call, I called them myself and told them I was her. I also gave them her social.

The first person I spoke to passed me onto a second, so I went through the same scenario. This person at least questioned when I gave them my wife's name, but she went ahead and helped me anyway.

They're mailing the reports again. I lied. I confess.

(I told my wife all about it when she came in)