Monday, June 29, 2009

A note to my daughters/daughters-in-law

Last week, I published a note on the Sanford affair and included a note to my sons/sons-in-law. Now it's time for a counterpoint, a message to the girls in my life.

I need to start with a couple of strong caveats. I do not mean this as an attack or even a statement about Mrs. Sanford. I don't know (and don't want to know) anything about her marriage and (to date) she has acted with class. In fact, this doesn't apply to anyone who has had problems in the past, it applies to future actions only. Second, no where does this give any man any excuse to cheat. That's inexcusable. I'm hoping I can tell some women how to make their marriage better.

And my final caveat is that I am not now, nor ever have been (or desire to be) a woman. I struggled with the mars/venus thing when I thought it related to planets, once I discovered it was about men & women I was even more confused. I claim no special knowledge about women, a lesson I've learned the hard way several times.

That said, I saw something in Mark Sanford's letters that needs to be pointed out. He was looking for someone to confide in. He was looking for someone to share his daily life with. He found it in the wrong place.

There's a song that says "he'll have good times doing things that you don't understand." You don't have to understand the things your husband enjoys. But you can still listen to him talk about those things. Or go watch him do them. Cheer him on. And "if you love him, ... be proud of him." There isn't a man alive who doesn't want his woman to be proud of him. And he needs to hear it.

You also need to watch yourself and choose your friends carefully, especially the opposite sex. If you're confiding with another man things you haven't confided with your husband, you're committing emotional adultery. This can quickly lead to physical adultery.

Ok, there I said it. I've probably proven how little of the mars/venus thing I understand. And who knows how many times I'll have to clean up the mess I created with this post, but at least it's out.


Buggaboosmommy said...

well said

Randy said...