Thursday, July 02, 2009

Mars & Venus for dummies

I said in my last post that I had trouble understanding the Mars & Venus thing. Once I realized that this was talking about men & women and not about planets, I was in even more trouble. But it seems like Governor Mark Sanford understands even less about the subject, so I figured I could help him out a little.

First, if you're hiding a relationship with an Argentinan mistress and you keep emails lying around, don't send your wife in to look for financial documents. Yep, Sanford sent his wife into his office and she found out about his affair. He had to confess and blow up the whole thing. It's almost like he wanted to get caught.

Second, once caught, don't ask permission from your wife to go see your mistress. Somehow, this seems obvious, but it must've gone over his head. The governor asked several times over the last few months if he could go see his sweetheart again. Maybe he was absent on the day they covered this in Cheaters 101 during his college days, you just don't do it. That's what cutting class will get you. I can just hear the conversation - "can I please just see her, just this once? I promise, we just need to talk." Yeah, right. Just talk.

Third, and this is important, if you're trying to make things up with your wife - especially if she seems agreeable to the idea - don't call someone else your soul mate. Now this is certainly one of those mars/venus things, but women tend to be a little jealous. Saying something like this is almost as bad as saying something like "yeah, she could lose a couple pounds" or "she doesn't look half bad once she puts the makeup on."

Now I should quickly point out that none of this comes from first hand knowledge. I did not attend Cheaters 101 class while in college (nor at anytime since) and didn't even sign up for it. My wife is very understanding, but has let me know in no uncertain terms what would happen if this ever became an issue with us (it's a scary story). And most importantly, I have NO DESIRE to find out what "the other side of the fence" is like (and the fear factor helps). My side of the fence is quite nice thank you.

But it sure seems the governor could learn a couple of lessons.

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